My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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