The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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