I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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