Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
