listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
