I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
