My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
