If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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