found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
