I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
