we have officially lost it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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