So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
