he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
