Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize