Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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