How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
