After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
