well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
