yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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