They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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