i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
