I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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