Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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