my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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