i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize