Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
