don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
