He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
