we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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