We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
