I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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