so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My dick has a subreddit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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