What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
