The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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