whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
