I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's even glitter on my cock...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize