Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
