Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
