I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
