What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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