We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Alive.
So much puke
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
