i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize