o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
