Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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