every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
