So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
