I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
