This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
