I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Houston, we have a squirter
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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