i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
