I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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