there was a trapeze. enough said
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
