I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
