i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
