worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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