I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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