I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
