You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
