I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
