How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
