Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i think my cat just said my name.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
