I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
