he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
