eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
