I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
40s are totally the cure
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
