walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want to make out with him forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
