I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
we should paint friendship bongs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
