Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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