i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
