How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
your room smells of hookers.
And success
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
