Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
