masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
